Title: Visions of White
Theme: #6-the space between dream and reality
Fandom: Card Captor Sakura
Life is still hectic, and still slightly depressing, but I'm making progress in other areas! So here, have fic!
Like most young girls, she’d dreamed about her wedding day. She’d, of course, had the luxury of growing up in a situation where she was exposed to fancy dresses and elegant meals and extravagant events, so she could dream of everything from the simplest of days to the most elaborate of ceremonies.
When she was young, still in elementary school, she’d wanted something beautiful and grand. Her grandmother, aunt, and Sonomi hadn’t helped much. They’d merely encouraged her fantasies. A princess wedding dress, white chiffon and silk, with a long skirt and train, picked out in glass beads and cubic zirconia. The most delicate of netting veils, and elaborate diamond jewelry. Sonomi had even found a wedding tiara. They’d together imagined a huge ceremony in a Western-style church, with hundreds of people gathered to see their princess wed. The banquet would be in one of the fanciest hotels in Tokyo, and would feature the best food and sake money could buy. No expense would be spared in this fantasy for the beloved child.
But Nadeshiko had quickly grown out of that fantasy. Sonomi lamented this through their middle school years, since her cousin would look so beautiful in a princess dress, but it was no longer really want Nadeshiko wanted. She envisioned something… simpler. A smaller ceremony, as a start. Just a few people – people she actually knew
- in a smaller church or even a hotel. Her dress could be less fluffy, less decadent. Something gentle and simple. Maybe not even white – a pastel blue, or pink? The reception (not a banquet) could be smaller, in the backyard of the country house, with light foods and refreshments like lemonade.
More than anything else, she felt, she wanted control of this dream wedding. It would not be what Sonomi, or her aunt, or her grandmother or grandfather wanted. It would be what she
wanted, and she could see herself in a silk pastel sundress far more easily than a heavy satin gown.
Then in high school she contemplated a traditional wedding. Such a wedding would be far more demure, controlled, and quiet
. Only a select few people would be allowed into the ceremony. She wouldn’t have to worry about wearing some ridiculous dress, because she’d only have a choice of elegant and tasteful wedding kimonos. She could imagine the gentle sounds of the garden and the tea ceremony, and realized that it made her feel at peace with the idea of marriage. Yes, that was what she would want – peace. Even the reception would be subdued because of the ceremony. There could be more people, but there would be traditional food and they would behave nicely.
But even this imagining eventually lost its appeal. Because, she realized, that she had never really thought about… well, the groom
in any of her previous dreams.
The more she thought about it, the clearer it became. All those renderings had been created by herself, for herself. What difference did it make if she didn’t even know who the man she’d be marrying was? She’d always assumed that he would come, in time, and fit nicely into her stories. She had only just realized that he would do more than that. He would shape the way she thought about the entire affair, just by existing.
And so she couldn’t imagine kissing him before hundreds of people in an expensive, lavish Western dress. Nor could she even imagine him in a church. When she closed her eyes and dreamed about marrying him, she saw the outdoors – a garden, or a park. He was not serene and still like a church… he was the gentleness of Nature. Churchbells might have been romantic, but he probably would have preferred a string quartet – or even speakers playing some of his – their – favorite music.
While a traditional wedding was appealing, still, she didn’t think that he would like the formality of it. He was certainly a very formal person, and a very serious person at times, but she felt that the atmosphere might stifle them. He would be expected to be accompanied by so many relatives and so on, which she refused to ask of him. They might have one alone, just the two of them… but the formality would still be there.
And, quite frankly, she thought he would look better in a Western suit than a traditional wedding kimono.
The biggest snag with her plan was, naturally, the guest list. In her newest dream, she couldn’t see anyone. Not her family. He didn’t have any. She had next to no friends after Sonomi, who certainly couldn't be there. Perhaps he had some, but they might feel awkward or compromised.
Well, that was of little matter. They could have a private ceremony. A private ceremony, in respectable clothes but nothing too fancy, in a garden somewhere. Maybe they could find musicians. And they would both be smiling, and they would both be happy, and it wouldn’t matter that the little girl she had been was gone and never realized, because she’d found something much better.
As she lay in bed, she could see it all behind her eyelids. The way the sun shone through the leaves of the tree overhead, lighting her hair and his eyes. The gentle breeze lifting her curls and tousling his sandy hair. The willing, smiling churchman or lawman who would wed them. The flower wreath in her hair, replacing the crown of jewels she’d once imagined. His light, tan suit that looked so wonderful on him. Maybe they would get him a new, pale colored shirt to go with it. Her own dress, long and light and flowing and made of silky polyester, pale blue and pink. The deep, fluttering in her stomach, the anticipation of the honeymoon afterward – something simple, just a trip to the north to the onsen
The thought of his smile made her heart clench and her chest ache for a moment. And the happiness she would feel, to have him smile at her like that, to have him hold her gently and promise to protect and love her forever… if she were awake, it would have made her cry.
When the moment in the vision came to kiss him, to make her own promise, she would have wished that she would never have to wake.